Lessons in Overcoming Fear from Our Trip to Costa Rica.

As a public speaking coach, I have to help people overcome fear.   Which is why it was so instructive on my recent family vacation to Costa Rica that we decided to go zip-lining.

Standing on a platform on the edge of a cliff, I could see the cable stretching a half-mile across the side of a mountain, 100 feet above the jungle canopy.  I kept wondering why we bothered wearing the helmets.

I chickened out, choosing to ride the tram back down the mountain.

It was one of several experiences on our trip that helped me think about how to help my own clients deal with their fears.

First, you need to remind yourself of the “why”.  There are plenty of reasons to learn to give a speech including showing leadership, building credibility, and advancing your career.

But why did I want to ride the zip line?  I had no idea.  My wife and kids thought about the thrill. All I could think about was “When was the last time they replaced this cable?”

Which leads me to the next thing I learned about overcoming fear. You need a positive attitude.

About halfway through our trip we went surfing at Jaco Beach. We hired the 11-time Costa Rican surfing champion to coach us for the afternoon.

We started on land with him showing us how to pop up on the boards. And carrying my board out into the surf, I thought, “I’m going to be able to do this.”

But something happened when I pushed out into the waves.  I could hardly stay on the board as I paddled out. Twice I went under and was pulled backwards getting salt water in my nose.

The first time I tried to stand and actually surf, I flipped over and felt like I had been thrown into a washing machine.  At some point I just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to do it. And of course, I didn’t.

I should have recognized my lousy attitude.  I once worked with a banker who took me aside at the beginning of the workshop.  “I’m a terrible speaker,” she said. “I just don’t have the feel for this.”

“OK,” I said. “But for today, just focus on the techniques we talk about. Don’t judge yourself. You’re here to learn.”

She took that positive attitude and made progress.

The final thing I learned about dealing with fear is to be willing to stumble.  When we arrived in Costa Rica, we met a driver for the three-hour ride to our resort. I was nervous about talking to him in my lousy high school Spanish.

But he didn’t mind. He and many other Costa Ricans enjoyed tutoring me and my daughter, who is taking high school Spanish. Throughout the rest of the vacation, Annie I happily bumbled our way through conversations with native speakers.  At the end of one long drive, my daughter said, “I learned more Spanish from that driver than I did in my entire first two years in class.”

Those imperfect conversations turned out to be the highlight of the trip for me.

Indeed, one of the things we tell our students is that the key to success as a speaker is not to fear mistakes.

We urge everyone to abide by the words we have painted on the wall of our office: “It’s about connection, not perfection.”