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‘Tis the Season
for good cheer and goodwill. So if you’re going to deliver an
insult, make it classy and witty.
There are plenty
of websites (many of them quite raunchy so be careful), dedicated to insults.
Here is a list of clever, clean, and witty insults.
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"He has all
the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston
Churchill
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"I have never
killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow
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"He has never
been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
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"I've had a
perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
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"I didn't
attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it." -- Mark Twain
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“He has no
enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
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"I am
enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend... If you have one." – George Bernard
Shaw to Winston Churchill... followed by Churchill's response:
"Cannot
possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill
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"I feel so
miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." --
Stephen Bishop
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"He is a
self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
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"I've just
learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." --
Irvin S. Cobb
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"He is not
only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." --
Samuel Johnson
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"He is simply
a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating
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"He had
delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr
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"Why do you
sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" --
Mark Twain
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"His mother
should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West
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"Some cause
happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar
Wilde
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Lady Astor
once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if
you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston
replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!"
Thanks to Alan
Joel of
Alan Joel Partners for
providing the list.
At Speechworks we
help our clients learn how to communicate in a way that connects and
persuades. If you’re interested in becoming a great communicator
give us a call at 404-266-0888 or check out our website at
www.speechworks.net.
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