I never use foul language during presentations.

But I have been known to rely on the occasional curse word.  Certain words express emotion particularly well.  And sometimes a good f-bomb just feels right.

Here is a nice discussion of the use of foul language in today’s New York Times.

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I know that they’re going after a younger crowd. And I know that the high tech world is casual. But at least tuck in the shirt.

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Last month I stood up to begin a program with the Georgia Association for Women Lawyers and my fly was down.

Many things can go wrong when you speak.  I’ve faced a lot of them.  I’ve had projectors fail. My cell-phone has gone off.  Once, someone took a telephone call in the front row and didn’t get up to leave.   I’ve even had a painful gastro-intestinal attack.

But the open fly was a first and somewhat out of character. You see I’m paranoid about my zipper.  I have even developed a smooth little zipper check which I now pass along as a public service. I put my hand on my belt buckle and, with my pinkie finger, sneak a quick feel to make sure that all is well.  Works like a charm.

And it worked last month in front of the 20 women attorneys. The problem was that, to be effective, you should apply the Asher Zipper Check BEFORE you start speaking.

So how do you defuse presentation emergencies?

Don’t panic. Act fast. And realize that unexpected things can help your presentation.

Don’t Panic

Public speaking is an imperfect art.  Things go wrong.  Worry and frustration don’t help in front of an audience.

Instead of panicking, make a plan. I’ve had many projectors fail.  Recently, when the bulb went out in the middle of a presentation, I asked for a flip chart and moved on.

Act fast

Whatever you decide, be fast.  When my cell phone went off during a presentation, I apologized, turned it off, and continued.  When I had a stomach attack during a four-hour program, I said, “Let’s take a five minute break.”  I was the first out of the room.

When your zipper is down, speed is important.  In law school, one of my professors gave an entire 50-minute lecture with his fly down.  We all were snickering.  Afterwards, a classmate casually said “Hey professor, your fly is down.” He was embarrassed.

When I noticed mine was down, I remembered Dick Cavett.   During a television interview, Cavett noticed that his talk show guest’s fly was open.  Wanting to avert embarrassment, Cavett asked his guest to stand and turn his back to the audience. Cavett did the same and said, “One of us needs to zip up.”

During my presentation, I used a modified Cavett approach. I turned around to write something on the flip chart. As I wrote with my left hand, I zipped up with my right.  Now I suppose some of you ladies will let me know if I got away with it.

Unexpected things can help

Finally, remember that unexpected events provide an opportunity to build a relationship with the audience.

When I was speaking to 150 people at an insurance industry conference, someone in the front took a call on his mobile phone and started carrying on a conversation.  I ignored the guy. But he kept talking. I could see that lots of people were angry.

Finally, I stopped, smiled at the guy, paused for a long moment and said, “Dude?!”

Everyone cracked up.  The guy hustled out.  People applauded.  He helped me bond with the audience.

So if your zipper is down, don’t panic, act fast, and embrace the opportunity.

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I know that I should be a better person than this. But my main reaction to President Obama’s State of the Union address this week was “Why did it have to be so freakin’ long?”

I don’t have the attention span for such things.

If I were President, I would propose that all speeches be limited to 15 minutes, with half of that time devoted to Q&A. Now that would be change we could believe in.

No one Wants to Hear a Long Speech

I’m not alone on this issue. Attention spans are short.  There was a study done of college students during 50-minute lectures.  Researchers found that the students’ highest level of attention was in the first five minutes of the lecture. After that, attention levels dropped continuously until the 17^th minute and leveled off.

But we don’t need a study to know that no one wants to hear you speak for more than ten minutes.  You know why you don’t watch C-SPAN?  Because most of their programming is long speeches.

During our workshops, I often ask what would happen if the CEO or managing partner decreed that no presentations could last longer than 10 minutes.   Most agree that their lives would be improved.

Short Speeches Are Better Because They’re Focused

State of the Union addresses are what I call “Death Star” presentations. They’re huge and unwieldy, saying so many things and proposing so many ideas that we need Brian Williams or Katie Couric to translate afterwards.

I don’t care what you reputation as an orator is, if your speech needs someone to come on afterwards and identify the key points for the audience, then it’s lousy.

If all speeches were kept to 15 minutes with half the time reserved for Q&A, it would force us all to ask a simple question: what do I really want my audience to remember?

I was working with a health insurance executive recently on a presentation about the value of managed health care.  Her speech was a mess and way too long.  I asked, “If you could only get your listeners to remember three “bumper stickers” what would they be?”

She didn’t hesitate. “We save money.” “We improve health care quality” and “We allow coverage for a greater number of people.”  That focus allowed her to shorten her message and connect better with her listeners.

The Q&A Holds the Attention

Instead of speaking so long, leave lots of time for Q&A.  Listeners love Q&A sessions. It’s where the audience is most engaged and gets answers to their issues.  So why do we relegate questions to a couple of minutes at the end?

Jack Welch, the former GE CEO, is known as a great speaker. With small groups, he will often dispense with prepared remarks entirely and simply ask the audience, “What questions do you have?” 

I know that approach isn’t practical for all circumstances.  But Q&A should be a much more prominent part of all of our messages.

Next time you have to give a presentation, remember that no one has ever complained that a speech was too short.

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The word Czars at Lake Superior State University have declared 15 bits of 2010 jargon “shovel ready”.

“The list this year is a ‘teachable moment’ conducted free of ‘tweets,’” said a Word Banishment spokesman who was “chillaxin’” over the holidays. “‘In these economic times’, purging our language of ‘toxic assets’ is a ’stimulus’ effort that’s ‘too big to fail.’”

Former LSSU Public Relations Director Bill Rabe and friends created “word banishment” in 1975 at a New Year’s Eve party and released the first list on New Year’s Day. Since then, LSSU has received tens of thousands of nominations for the list, which includes words and phrases from marketing, media, education, technology and more.

The banned words are listed below. To read more, go to the LSSU website.

• SHOVEL-READY
• TRANSPARENT/TRANSPARENCY
• CZAR
• TWEET
• APP
• SEXTING
• FRIEND AS A VERB
• TEACHABLE MOMENT
• IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES….
• STIMULUS
• TOXIC ASSETS
• TOO BIG TO FAIL
• BROMANCE
• CHILLAXIN’
• OBAMA-prefix or roots?

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My dog Balou is a 60-pound, black-lab mix that we adopted at a PetSmart rescue day last year in Sandy Springs.   And if he could only talk and write on a flip chart, I’m sure he’d be a great public speaker. That’s because he understands how to connect with people better than most humans.

It’s about connection not perfection

First, Balou understands that you can do a lot wrong if you establish great rapport.

Balou makes lots of mistakes.  He eats the insoles out of shoes. He chewed the upholstery on our nice living room sofa. When he vomits on the kitchen floor, it’s truly disturbing.  And I won’t bother describing the foul and prodigious “gift” he left for us in the basement on Thanksgiving morning last year.  I guess we forgot to let him out the night before.

But we forgive Balou’s mistakes because we love him. When I’m working at the kitchen table, he sits at my feet. When my kids come home from school, he runs to the window and starts barking for joy.  And he does this hilarious thing with this ratty stuffed panda where . . .  Well you get the idea.

Like Balou, great public speakers understand that you can overcome mistakes with connection.  They’re not worried about forgetting a point, using an awkward phrase, or having their hair out of place. They don’t worry if the projector breaks.  They know that if they connect with the audience with energy, eye contact and stories, all will be forgiven.

My Dog Displays Lot of Passion

If Balou were a public speaker, his best trait would be his passion.   Balou has no trouble expressing his excitement. When I’m about to take him for a walk and he sees me grab his leash, he goes berserk. He leaps, twirls, and sneezes repeatedly (Sneezing is how Balou shows excitement).   That excitement is contagious and endearing.

Great speakers also show passion. I worked with an attorney that gave a presentation on how women attorneys can balance work and family.  As she spoke, her face lit up, her voice became intense, and her arms moved wildly.  Her passion was obvious and I was riveted.

Balou Makes Great Eye Contact

Balou knows that to connect with people, you need great eye contact.  If I say, “Hey Balou”, he looks up at me.   If he wants to go outside, he looks at me and barks.   When I come home from work, he shows he’s happy to see me by looking right at me and wagging his tail.

Similarly, great speakers understand that eye contact is critical. I worked with a project manager recently who had great energy but looked at his feet when he spoke.  We helped him by making him hold the eye contact for three to five seconds with individual listeners.

Balou just loves you

Finally, Balou understands that you win affection by showing affection.  We love Balou because he loves us and shows us in dozens of ways.

The same is true with great speakers. They show their affection for their audience by addressing their key concerns rather than giving a generic speech. They leave plenty of time for questions. They then answer those questions with a helpful, sincere tone.  Audiences return the love that you give.

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that Balou knows how to sell himself so well.  His livelihood depends on it.

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President Obama yesterday spoke at the memorial services for those servicemen and women that died in the recent massacre at Fort Hood. In the speech, the President tells a brief story about every one of the people killed during the killing. If those stories don’t move you, nothing will.

This video is of the entire service.  The President’s remarks begin at the approximately 15 minutes into the video.

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I was helping a banker with a story he planned to tell as part of his presentation.   

“You know what this story needs?” I said. “This story needs some schmaltz.”

He gave me a confused look.

“You don’t know what schmaltz is?” I said. “It’s the good stuff. It’s the extra details and background that you add to the story that makes the story come to life.  All good stories have a little schmaltz.”

If you want your stories to sing, you’re going to need some schmaltz.

Schmaltz Adds Flavor

First a little background for those of you who, unlike me, weren’t blessed with a grandmother that spoke some Yiddish.

Schmaltz is the Yiddish word for rendered chicken fat.   For Jews who keep kosher, schmaltz substitutes for butter when cooking meat.  That’s important because, as everyone knows, butter makes everything taste better.

And if your  “bubbeh” (Yiddish for grandmother; rhymes with tubby) wanted to give you something delicious, she would spread  salted schmaltz on a bagel (Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it).  In other words, it adds flavor.

When I tell people to add schmaltz to a story, I mean that they need to add the flavoring that fills out the tale and makes it more interesting to the listener.

You “schmaltz up” a story by adding spicy details.

Let’s say that you’re trying to convince a partner to hire a new employee.   You might tell the story as follows:

I interviewed John the other day and was extremely impressed.  He was in the top 10 percent of his class at Harvard. He has work experience before business school in the entertainment industry and he’s outgoing. I think we need to hire him.

That’s fine. But it’s a little dry.  It doesn’t really give you a true feeling for John.  If you add some schmaltz– the fun details that make the story come to life – John’s true value comes to life.

I interviewed John the other day and I was  impressed. Of course, he was ranked 11 in a class of 100.  But he’s not just an academic tool.  When he first sat down in my office, he asked about my photograph showing me with Clint Eastwood.  We got into a long conversation about what he did for an entertainment talent agency in Hollywood.  He told me about attending parties with people like Michael Eisner, Jack Nicholson, and Ron Howard.  He really drove the conversation. It was impressive.

The schmaltzy details about how he started and drove the conversation bring to life the idea that he is extremely outgoing.

Of course You don’t Want too Much Schmaltz

One of the challenges with schmaltz is how much to add.  Too much schmaltz can be distracting in a story.  Let’s say that you were trying to get your partner to hire John and added too much schmaltz.  It might sound something like this.

I interviewed John the other day and I was  impressed. Of course, he was ranked 11 in a class of 100.  But he’s not just an academic tool.  When he first sat down in my office, he asked about my photograph showing me with Clint Eastwood. Then we got into a long conversation about what he did for an entertainment talent agency in Hollywood.  He told me about attending parties with people like Michael Eisner, Jack Nicholson, and Ron Howard.  He told me about a time he went to a basketball game with Sean Penn and Penn told him about his favorite musicians. It turns out that Sean Penn loves Yanni and Billy Joel. Who knew?

The extra details about Sean Penn are probably too much schmaltz.  Those details are gossipy. But they do not add much about the worldliness that makes John attractive as a candidate.  The details also drag out the story.

Ultimately, how much schmaltz to add is a judgment call that takes practice.

Next time you tell a story,  don’t just narrate the dry events.  Fill it out with a little schmaltz. You’re bubbeh will be proud.

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William Safire

New York Times Columnist  Maureen Dowd has an interesting column today about her colleague William Safire, the conservative pundit who died last Sunday.

What caught my eye was a little bit of cold-calling advice from Safire.

What do you do when someone at the White House won’t call you back?  According to Safire,  ” . . . leave them a single-word message about what you wanted to talk about: “Malfeasance.”

What an interesting idea!

One of the biggest problems with cold calls is the set up and the failure to get to the point. But what if we made it a goal to leave one-word cold calling messages?

“Hello this is Joey Asher with Speechworks. Win! Call me at 404-266-0888.”

Too short?

Think I’d get any call backs?

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One of the biggest mistakes that speakers make in telling stories is not driving home the point to the listener at the end.

I was working last week with a college student who was preparing for a round of job interviews. He had a nice story about how his athletic achievements in college showed that he would be a hard worker. He told a story about getting up before classes for two-hour long practice sessions and then having two-hour long practice sessions after classes as well. It was a compelling story.

The problem was that when he finished the story, he didn’t drive home the point with what it all means for the listener — in this case the prospective employer.

He needed to end the story by saying, “My point is that I’m not afraid of hard work and I’ll put in the hours at your company needed to be successful.”

The point of your story isn’t always obvious to your listener. That’s why you need to drive it home at the end.

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